sick house again

oh man has it been a long couple of days. i'm just so sick of feeling like poop. i'm sick of sicknesses, i'm sick of being tired, i'm just sick of not having energy. zander started with a cold that turned into a sinus infection so he's on antibiotics and his nose is still running. ronan got the same cold and ben took him to the doctor on wednesday cause his eye was oozing green snot out of it. (yes, it's as disgusting as it sounds) they said it wasn't an infection cause he didn't have a fever and sent him home. by today he was wore out, had a fever, and both eyes were oozing snot constantly! like neon green/yellow. in the morning he cries cause his eyes are glued shut and he can't see to get out of his bed. so back to the doctor tonight for the little guy and they said he has a double ear infection and a bacterial infection in his eyes. so eye drops and antibiotics for him. and then there's me. i started getting their cold and it turned into the cough from hell. i can't hold jade cause i cough and shake her awake. i can't sleep at night and now my right ear is filled and i can't hear. i want to sleep more than anything but it's just not happening cause i cough myself awake or spend most of the night trying not to cough. grrr....
i feel just broken down. i have not felt good in so long with the end of the pregnancy, my pelvis, nursing, and now being actually sick. i want so badly to be able to at least attempt to get back to normal. as it stands, i'm terrified to have ben go back to work in a week cause i have no clue how i'm going to do it all. i absolutely cannot do it alone right now. i'm just too wore out. neither one of us has had all three kids at one time yet. scary. we just tagteam and one either has jade and the other has the boys or vice versa. ben's been amazing for me. again, God knew he needed to be here for me.
we also got a surprise gift in the mail that took our breath away and made us both cry like babies. a little back story. ben's mom died when he was almost three and his dad remarried a few years later to becky - his current mom. becky's sister in law (ben's aunt) sent us a package with a card that ben read out loud to me (never do this, it makes it way sadder!). ben's mom who died, barb, was a sewer and shared that passion with his aunt karen. so when barb died, karen got some of her material including some lace from her wedding dress and an old suit. karen made into a dress for her daughters and was now passing it on to ben. what an unexpected gift! ben had no idea that this dress was even out there or that there was material that used to be his mom's! words can't express how precious this gift is to ben's heart. so thank you again karen!
alrighty, i'm off. more later!

funny zander saying

today zander was talking to jade while she was getting fussy for her bottle. pretending to talk for her i said "zander, do you have milk for me?" to which zander replied, "no i have little boobies see?" (and lifted up his shirt!)

nursing sucks

once again nursing is disasterous for me. i went to the doc today and i had some of the most infected cut up nipples he'd ever seen (is this tmi for a blog?). i also had mastitis in one too. he wass literally in shock i was still even trying to nurse. i tried pumping for some relief but i barely produce anything and couldnt keep up with jade's demands. so i threw in the towel and said im done. i tried all i could but i cant handle crying thru another day. ive bawled and bawled...my family needs me and ive just not been here for them because of all the pain ive felt. and im still a good mom even if she has fomula. as for my pelvis, the doc is going to send me to an ortho but i have to wait a few more weeks because my joints are still too stretchy from pregnncy to find out what the final damage is to my pelvis. so for now its more vicodine, no stairs or uneven ground, and no extended periods of walking. good times. he did say its probably a good idea to not have any more kids. which we weren't really planning to, but its still really painful to hear. so needless to say its been a really emotional day. and here are some pics from jade's home photo shoot for her birth announcement. by the way, the dress she's wearing is the one i bought when i found out i was pregnant with zander. before i knew it was a boy of course. but i've held onto it for four years, praying for my girl. so i thought it only appropriate to have her pic in it!

HAPPY DANCE!!

It's time for the happy dance! Ben got a JOB!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!! he will be an enrollment advisor for Ashford University. It's an online university based in Iowa with a big site here in san diego. two guys from our church work there and were able to help ben get interviews and such. but i'm sooo proud of my husband! the job pays better than his last job and has better benefits. we are so blessed! God has definitely been good to us. with the economy the way it is, and the amount of job losses here in san diego alone, this was definitely a God thing. i can't tell you the relief that washed over me when ben told me the good news. he starts april 6 so he still has a few weeks left home with us. which again, has been a huge God thing. God knew my recovery would be worse than normal and has allowed Ben to be with me.
anyways, rejoice with us and thank you to all of you who were praying for us!

video fun

this is a dream come true for ben - fighting with lightsabers. zander has finally embraced star wars much to ben's delight. and of course ronan follows! and there's a vid of jade coming home from the hospital and the boys being weird.

Pelvis Pain

Well today i went to the lactation consultant before i had jade's doctor's appointment. i was hoping to figure out what's causing the extreme pain during the latch on. they, as usual, were awesome and helped a lot. then i decided i would try to walk from the women's health center over to where jade had her appointment. by the time i got to the building the pain was pretty intense and i could barely move my left leg and hip. the clicking was pretty awful too! i stood at jade's doctor's office and cried because it was so bad. blah. i had to get security to drive me back to my car cause there was no way i could walk. getting home was not fun either. but my dear parents happen to own a pair of crutches (who knows why) so i've been borrowing those and will call my doctor tomorrow.

as for jade, she is slightly jaundice but nothing to worry about. she is actually 21 1/2 inches long too. the hospital always gets that wrong on my kids. they told me ronan was 19 inches and at the peds three days later he was 22 inches! and her weight dropped to 8.6 when we were released from the hospital but was back up to 8.9 today. so that's really really encouraging to me. so 99% for height, 85% for weight, and i don't remember what her head was. she also has a few 'stork' bites on her face too. nose, brow line, and eye lid. but they should fade.

on a happy note, my dear friend ann who was due the same day as me, and also in my small group, had her sweet baby girl today. Grace Ann was 9 lbs 5 oz and 22 inches long! a BIG girl! holding her was so strange! she felt like a three month old!

here are a few pics of the kids.

Attack of the killer boppy!

check out the boots!

her take home outfit, she was not so happy.

Surprise, i can blog after having a baby

i am so tired, but doing ok i guess. jade is doing well, but starting to look jaundice to me. we go to the doctor tomorrow and i suppose we'll have to have her tested again. not fun. nursing has been rough again too. it hurts like crazy but is getting better i think. ben has turned into my 'lactation consultant' and has been doing research online to find out how to make it better. we sit here at night and read together and try to figure it out. he's such a good supportive husband. i'm so greatful for him and his encouragement. ok, but enough about that. jade is adorable and i love dressing her up and putting bows in her hair. this morning ben and i cracked up trying to find one for her to wear and she kept looking like a clown. she reminds me so much of zander too. she looks just like his newborn pictures. zander said she didn't look like him cause she had black hair. so i had to bring out some of his pictures to show him. zander and ronan are so cute with jade too. zander for some reason insists on calling her 'jada'. not sure what thats about but it's funny. they always want to say hi to baby. ronan wants to sit behind me and play with my hair while i'm nursing. he points at me and says, "mama bottle" and then points to jade. at least he understands nursing! :) smart little guy. zander is very possessive of her and wants to 'keep an eye on her' all the time. i have good liittle boys and i am so proud of their capacity to love and care and accept their little sister. today when my mom picked up ronan from the nursery, the workers told her ronan was quite the 'big brother'. everytime a kid cried ronan would go up and pat their back and lay their head on them. such a cutie!
as for me, two days ago my pelvis started clicking again. it doesn't necessarily hurt when it clicks, it's just a gross feeling. but then yesterday it started hurting more. i think it may have been because i'm trying to get stuff done or be on my feet. it's still not nearly as painful as it was by a long shot, but it's definitely starting to hurt. sitting and walking is hard. so needless to say, God knew i was really going to need ben during this time, so i'm glad he's home!! but it's frustrating to take it easy and not help out! i want to get back on my feet and get going again. blah....i'm so eternally grateful that our church and friends are doing meals for us. that's been the hardest for ben.
anyways, thanks for the prayers and please continue to pray, especially for my pelvis.