ponderings and musings

well i have hit the four week point for going to the gym. i am reaching the point of seeing results but i'm also reaching the point of wanting to say screw it. i'm tired of going to the gym and tired of dieting. is this what is destined for the rest of my life?! blah....my girlfriend and i have gone every other day without skipping once. well once i had to skip but i did a 40 minute video at home, with zander, which well...you'll need to ask him. its funny. i've also been struggling with how i look....i want instant results...its' hard to keep perservering knowing eventually it will pay off..just not right away. however, i sometimes like to pretend that i was once 350 lbs and now i'm rockin' looking. cause if i was 350, well then my current weight and look is fabulous! so that's how i get by...pretending.
my amazing husband got me a massage tonight and i swear it was wonderful! it was a swedish massage and it helped so much with the sore muscles. but doesn't he remember that its his birthday tomorrow?! and what did i get him? nothing...cause i suck. i swear every year we have this fight. i always feel like it's a test to see if i can figure out what he wants. he hems and haws like he doesn't want anything but i know its not true. OR he wants really expensive things that i just have to laugh at him about. so this year, he gets nothing. ok not really...i just seriously haven't figured it out yet! but the boys decided he needed new clothes. they said this, not me. so they picked out some shirts for him. they were cute...but honestly they picked out shirts that look just like him! we also got decorations for him too. i love this man and am sooo proud to celebrate him tomorrow. he's an amazing man! but opa i wish you were here tomorrow to make waffles for breakfast..thats what he wants and i swear i'm not as good at it as you guys are! oh well, i'll try.
darling jade update...this girl is meant to be the baby. she gets mad at me sometimes when she feels like i'm ignoring her and just starts sobbing. sometimes i've checked her over thinking something is hurting her only to realize she just wants to be held. little punk. and this girl can work an audience. every where i go she will throw herself around in my arms or the shopping cart to make eye contact with passing people to get them to smile at her. she thinks she's the shiznit...i hate to tell her, she'll grow out of it. people love babies, but well, they stop looking after a while. poor baby girl. but here's my favorite jade aspect...she LOVES dinosaurs. whenever she sees one she lights up like a crazy child and starts growling at it! the boys taught her to growl at dinos and i think its hilarious. stuffed dinos, walking dinos, the ginormous dino my parents got z, any ole one. she loves them. ahh...the youngest of boys. hahaha...i loved g.i joes growing up too thanks to my brothers.