picture update

this is what happens when ben plays with the vacuum and the boys.

Night time

At the end of the day when it's time to put the boys to bed, something wonderful happens. as i'm holding ronan and he lays his head on my shoulder and plays with my hair, the chaos of the entire day seems to slowly disappear. i begin to forget about him grabbing things out of the trash for the three hundredth time, or climbing on the kitchen table and spilling drinks, and pulling the toliet paper down the hall, or even the shredding of the cotton balls all over the house.....and its replaced by the deepest love of a mother for her child. as i rub his back and kiss his little head, i'm reminded that this too will pass, and someday my little boy will be all grown up and not need me anymore....gone will be my little cuddles. so i'm going to try to survive each day, and cherish the little moments that keep me from going insane.
God Bless my little boys.....

A sucked out juice box

A few years ago at a mothers ministry I attended, a speaker talked about a juice box. she had a juice box with a gazillion straws sticking out of it. she said this is a mother.....everyone has sucked a little bit out of her till she is a shrunken little box of cardboard. yup, that's how i feel right now. i feel like there's just not a whole lot of me left to give to anyone. everything i do is half-arse. nobody is getting a 100%. actually no one is getting even 40%. i feel like i'm doing nothing well.... i go go go then fall apart. i guess i'm at that fall apart mode. can i blame it on being pregnant?! :) ok that was just way too personal for a blog i guess. pray for benny, he's so patient with me, but he needs his wife.
on a positive note the boys are playing so well together lately and it's just fun to watch. they love to roll around together and "wrestle". ronan squeals like the world is ending, but yet the smile is huge so you know he's just squealing to squeal. zander loves to perform and make ronan laugh. it's just a cute thing to watch. in public, zander likes to get into ronan's face and make him laugh which then leads to the squealing, which is NOT a good thing. people can't tell that he's happy they just want him to be quiet. cause when that boy opens his mouth.....man oh man. it's LOUD!!!
well, i should try to rest and spend some time with ben.

My Cravings

daylight to dark all i want is rare/raw meat. prime rib to be specific. what is my deal!!!???? i NEEED it. and no to answer all your questions, i did not crave meat with the boys. but each boy was something different. that's why i thought ronan was a girl cause he was so different from zander. but seriously, NOTHING sounds good to me but steak. not hamburger (hate fast food right now), not chicken, nothing. just steak. mmmhhhmmm.....
so let me tell you what ronan did tonight the minute ben walked out the door for "guys night". i went to the bathroom (bad things happen when you're in the bathroom) and ronan comes running in with a danish in each hand. he jumps on the bed getting cherry all over it. i grab him and throw him in the high chair and see that he's thrown in all over the floor. he had climbed onto the kitchen table, got the box of danishes, and threw them to the floor. then proceeded to run through the house depositing one in pretty much each room. grr...child for sale!!!

Horrible Morning

Ohhh...Monndays....how i hate you mondays! nothing ever goes well. so this morning i'm in the kitchen getting breakfast ready. zander was mad at ben cause he was watching the olympics and so zander went to our room to watch his shows. after a few seconds i hear screaming so i go running . however, i tripped on the step ( i have two steps going from dining room to hallway) and went flying onto the tile. i SMASHED my stomach. let me just tell you quick that zander was screaming cause the tv in my room was on the olympics too. i immediately felt waves of pain in my stomach. ben took me to my bedroom where i just laid there and cried. my stomach was so tender to the touch and i kept having pain throughout my muscles and stomach. so off to the doctor i went. i got there and they immediately gave me an ultrasound and i got to see my precious little baby for the first time. it was sooo big! it wiggled its little arms at me and i just cried and cried! there's such a relief to see the baby and to see that it was ok. fortunately everything is fine with the baby and my official due date is march 21. the doctor said i'm going to hurt for a while since i probably bruised and hurt some muscles. so all day today i've been out and now i'm so far behind in everything i have to get done. :( well now i'm off to get buttloads done....blah

Is the Baby Almost Here?

that's what zander asked me this morning when he saw my belly. he said my belly is getting BIG (with arms flailing in the air!)! thank you my dear child for that great self esteem boost. i know i'm a LOT bigger in the stomach than i have been with other pregnancies, but this is ridiculous. i'm only 9 weeks...it's going to be a LONG pregnancy.

Update on surgeries

We are done! Tuesday morning we woke ronan up at 7 am to take him to the hospital. he could not have ANY food or drink after he woke up. when i got to the hospital they told me they didn't have him on the surgery list and that my dr's office didn't open till 8. so we waited and they finally got ahold of the dr who forgot to have his office call and put us on the schedule...but after more waiting they worked us in. so we had to wait till 10:30! in the waiting room ronan kept attacking the diaper bag trying to find food or milk, and if he saw someone with any food or drink he took off after them and just about mauled them! poor little guy. so the waiting was the worst and then they took us back. the worst part was having the nurse take him from me and him looking at me with those big blue eyes wondering what was going on? but he got to keep his doggy and pacifier with him so that was good. i was in the waiting room for about 8 minutes when they told me he was done. his right ear was worse than the other but overall everything was easy. he woke up about ten minutes after the surgery and i got to just sit by his bed and hold him. he was so cuddly. and then he drank two full glasses of juice but kept them down. so we got to leave. as soon as we got home ronan ate like a crazy child! then he went to sleep and slept for 3 1/2 hours. poor little guy. as soon as he woke up he was crazy! so active, so happy, so energetic! and it has been like that ever since. all day today he's just been a different little guy. i'm so glad we had it done.
as for me, i went to have my area removed off my thigh ('not normal mole biopsy'). sat there for 1/2 hour, got prepped, was ready for shots when the dr asked if any thing new had happened since the last time she saw me. i said i was 8 weeks pregnant and she stopped nd said, umm. we can't do this. so i now have to wait till the 2nd trimester. i was so frustrated because i was psyched out for it and totally freaked. blah. so oct. 14 now.
thanks for everyone's prayers and toughts!

SURPRISE!!!!!

well folks, for those of you who don't know, we're PREGGO!!!!!!!! i'm 8 weeks along and due march 23. although having to have a csection it will probably be born on or around st.patty's day (mar 17) which i'm PUMPED for considering i'm irish! :) woooo hooooo!
we were pretty surprised to say the least but it's starting to set in now. i have an ultrasound on aug. 25 and i'm always nervous for that....for those of you who don't know, i had two miscarriages before ronan was concieved. so that first ultrasound is SCARY for me. please pray!
i have to be honest when i say i really really really hope it's a girl. my heart has ached for a girl for two years. since i was first pregnant with ronan i have prayed every day for a girl. i'm not sure i've prayed so hard for anything in my life. i know God knows what is best for me, and i will be happy with the child he gives me, but i do long for a girl. and i want to be DONE!!!! i'm not a happy pregnant woman. i'm a crazy woman! so far i haven't been the same kind of sick i was with ronan. with him i threw up all the time, with this baby i'm just queasy all day every day. but not enough to throw up and feel better. blah.
the cool story is that we found out we were preggo the morning that ben's parents came out to visit. so we got to tell them in person while they were here. that was fun. and they've had to stay quiet for a month. so props to you inlaws! :) so feel free to blab now!
alrighty, i promised ben the computer for the night...so i'm signing off!

Not a good day

Oh my word it was a bad day. ok not one for the record books, but one i'm glad is done! i took zander to the park for play group and one other family showed up. which was fine...except that our children sat there and stared at us and didn't want to play at all. ronan just kept eating and eating. little weirdo. i took ronan to the doctor after the park to check for ear infections and he's fine thank goodness. but when we got home zander said "i didn't have fun at the park." YA THINK?! silly child....
then it was time for naps. zander went down so easily cause he was exhausted. but then there's ronan. who mind you had NOT taken a morning nap. so i put him down for a nap but two hours later the child was STILL NOT ASLEEP! i swear i was going to put him outside with a sign on his neck "FOR FREE!". but the thing was, he wasn't cryng, he wasn't fussing....oh no...he was laughing and throwinng his pacifier against the closet door on the other side of the room. everytime i put it back in his mouth and laid him down, "BOOM" i hear the dumb thing being thrown again, followed by his giggling. GRRR!!! if he had cried i could have at least let him cry himself down....but no, it's giggling. ahh..frustrations.
i love my boys...really. :)

tonsils and ears

this week has been so tough! on tuesday i came down with a fever and HUGE tonsils! HUGE HUGE tonsils! swallowing, eating, sleeping...all gone. it is now saturday and my tonsils are still swollen. i'm miserable. wednesday i had to drag my butt to ronan's doctor to find out about his ears. and yes, it's tubes for him. he can barely hear a thing. which i still find weird cause he's doing pretty good with language. a lot better than zander did. so the poor little guy's surgery will be august 12. pray for him please!!
but after being sick for a week my house is a disaster, my life is a disaster, and i'm feeling so incompetent as a mother/wife. grrr....i'm just frustrated. the dishes are piling, the laundry, the crumbs. it's so frustrating. and if i don't get a good nights sleep i'm going to cry!!
ok i'm off.