sick house again

oh man has it been a long couple of days. i'm just so sick of feeling like poop. i'm sick of sicknesses, i'm sick of being tired, i'm just sick of not having energy. zander started with a cold that turned into a sinus infection so he's on antibiotics and his nose is still running. ronan got the same cold and ben took him to the doctor on wednesday cause his eye was oozing green snot out of it. (yes, it's as disgusting as it sounds) they said it wasn't an infection cause he didn't have a fever and sent him home. by today he was wore out, had a fever, and both eyes were oozing snot constantly! like neon green/yellow. in the morning he cries cause his eyes are glued shut and he can't see to get out of his bed. so back to the doctor tonight for the little guy and they said he has a double ear infection and a bacterial infection in his eyes. so eye drops and antibiotics for him. and then there's me. i started getting their cold and it turned into the cough from hell. i can't hold jade cause i cough and shake her awake. i can't sleep at night and now my right ear is filled and i can't hear. i want to sleep more than anything but it's just not happening cause i cough myself awake or spend most of the night trying not to cough. grrr....
i feel just broken down. i have not felt good in so long with the end of the pregnancy, my pelvis, nursing, and now being actually sick. i want so badly to be able to at least attempt to get back to normal. as it stands, i'm terrified to have ben go back to work in a week cause i have no clue how i'm going to do it all. i absolutely cannot do it alone right now. i'm just too wore out. neither one of us has had all three kids at one time yet. scary. we just tagteam and one either has jade and the other has the boys or vice versa. ben's been amazing for me. again, God knew he needed to be here for me.
we also got a surprise gift in the mail that took our breath away and made us both cry like babies. a little back story. ben's mom died when he was almost three and his dad remarried a few years later to becky - his current mom. becky's sister in law (ben's aunt) sent us a package with a card that ben read out loud to me (never do this, it makes it way sadder!). ben's mom who died, barb, was a sewer and shared that passion with his aunt karen. so when barb died, karen got some of her material including some lace from her wedding dress and an old suit. karen made into a dress for her daughters and was now passing it on to ben. what an unexpected gift! ben had no idea that this dress was even out there or that there was material that used to be his mom's! words can't express how precious this gift is to ben's heart. so thank you again karen!
alrighty, i'm off. more later!

funny zander saying

today zander was talking to jade while she was getting fussy for her bottle. pretending to talk for her i said "zander, do you have milk for me?" to which zander replied, "no i have little boobies see?" (and lifted up his shirt!)

nursing sucks

once again nursing is disasterous for me. i went to the doc today and i had some of the most infected cut up nipples he'd ever seen (is this tmi for a blog?). i also had mastitis in one too. he wass literally in shock i was still even trying to nurse. i tried pumping for some relief but i barely produce anything and couldnt keep up with jade's demands. so i threw in the towel and said im done. i tried all i could but i cant handle crying thru another day. ive bawled and bawled...my family needs me and ive just not been here for them because of all the pain ive felt. and im still a good mom even if she has fomula. as for my pelvis, the doc is going to send me to an ortho but i have to wait a few more weeks because my joints are still too stretchy from pregnncy to find out what the final damage is to my pelvis. so for now its more vicodine, no stairs or uneven ground, and no extended periods of walking. good times. he did say its probably a good idea to not have any more kids. which we weren't really planning to, but its still really painful to hear. so needless to say its been a really emotional day. and here are some pics from jade's home photo shoot for her birth announcement. by the way, the dress she's wearing is the one i bought when i found out i was pregnant with zander. before i knew it was a boy of course. but i've held onto it for four years, praying for my girl. so i thought it only appropriate to have her pic in it!

HAPPY DANCE!!

It's time for the happy dance! Ben got a JOB!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!! he will be an enrollment advisor for Ashford University. It's an online university based in Iowa with a big site here in san diego. two guys from our church work there and were able to help ben get interviews and such. but i'm sooo proud of my husband! the job pays better than his last job and has better benefits. we are so blessed! God has definitely been good to us. with the economy the way it is, and the amount of job losses here in san diego alone, this was definitely a God thing. i can't tell you the relief that washed over me when ben told me the good news. he starts april 6 so he still has a few weeks left home with us. which again, has been a huge God thing. God knew my recovery would be worse than normal and has allowed Ben to be with me.
anyways, rejoice with us and thank you to all of you who were praying for us!

video fun

this is a dream come true for ben - fighting with lightsabers. zander has finally embraced star wars much to ben's delight. and of course ronan follows! and there's a vid of jade coming home from the hospital and the boys being weird.

Pelvis Pain

Well today i went to the lactation consultant before i had jade's doctor's appointment. i was hoping to figure out what's causing the extreme pain during the latch on. they, as usual, were awesome and helped a lot. then i decided i would try to walk from the women's health center over to where jade had her appointment. by the time i got to the building the pain was pretty intense and i could barely move my left leg and hip. the clicking was pretty awful too! i stood at jade's doctor's office and cried because it was so bad. blah. i had to get security to drive me back to my car cause there was no way i could walk. getting home was not fun either. but my dear parents happen to own a pair of crutches (who knows why) so i've been borrowing those and will call my doctor tomorrow.

as for jade, she is slightly jaundice but nothing to worry about. she is actually 21 1/2 inches long too. the hospital always gets that wrong on my kids. they told me ronan was 19 inches and at the peds three days later he was 22 inches! and her weight dropped to 8.6 when we were released from the hospital but was back up to 8.9 today. so that's really really encouraging to me. so 99% for height, 85% for weight, and i don't remember what her head was. she also has a few 'stork' bites on her face too. nose, brow line, and eye lid. but they should fade.

on a happy note, my dear friend ann who was due the same day as me, and also in my small group, had her sweet baby girl today. Grace Ann was 9 lbs 5 oz and 22 inches long! a BIG girl! holding her was so strange! she felt like a three month old!

here are a few pics of the kids.

Attack of the killer boppy!

check out the boots!

her take home outfit, she was not so happy.

Surprise, i can blog after having a baby

i am so tired, but doing ok i guess. jade is doing well, but starting to look jaundice to me. we go to the doctor tomorrow and i suppose we'll have to have her tested again. not fun. nursing has been rough again too. it hurts like crazy but is getting better i think. ben has turned into my 'lactation consultant' and has been doing research online to find out how to make it better. we sit here at night and read together and try to figure it out. he's such a good supportive husband. i'm so greatful for him and his encouragement. ok, but enough about that. jade is adorable and i love dressing her up and putting bows in her hair. this morning ben and i cracked up trying to find one for her to wear and she kept looking like a clown. she reminds me so much of zander too. she looks just like his newborn pictures. zander said she didn't look like him cause she had black hair. so i had to bring out some of his pictures to show him. zander and ronan are so cute with jade too. zander for some reason insists on calling her 'jada'. not sure what thats about but it's funny. they always want to say hi to baby. ronan wants to sit behind me and play with my hair while i'm nursing. he points at me and says, "mama bottle" and then points to jade. at least he understands nursing! :) smart little guy. zander is very possessive of her and wants to 'keep an eye on her' all the time. i have good liittle boys and i am so proud of their capacity to love and care and accept their little sister. today when my mom picked up ronan from the nursery, the workers told her ronan was quite the 'big brother'. everytime a kid cried ronan would go up and pat their back and lay their head on them. such a cutie!
as for me, two days ago my pelvis started clicking again. it doesn't necessarily hurt when it clicks, it's just a gross feeling. but then yesterday it started hurting more. i think it may have been because i'm trying to get stuff done or be on my feet. it's still not nearly as painful as it was by a long shot, but it's definitely starting to hurt. sitting and walking is hard. so needless to say, God knew i was really going to need ben during this time, so i'm glad he's home!! but it's frustrating to take it easy and not help out! i want to get back on my feet and get going again. blah....i'm so eternally grateful that our church and friends are doing meals for us. that's been the hardest for ben.
anyways, thanks for the prayers and please continue to pray, especially for my pelvis.

update

all i can say is "praise God"!!!! through your prayers he has chosen to perform a miracle on my body! this morning there was no pain in my pelvis. the physical therapist came to evaluate me and determined it had seperated but not broken. however, she was equally as dumbfounded that i could stand, let alone walk without pain. she has seen cases where the body tweaks itself back into place. somehow either during the csection or during the night, that happened for me. but lets be honest, your prayers and the amazing work of God's healing hand has saved me from what could have been a horrific recovery. so thank you and praise God!!!!

Jade is here!!!!

This morning my pelvis snapped while getting out of the shower and may be broken (will find out after tomorrow morning's xray). i was in so much pain and could not walk or move so ben had to carry me to the car and on to the hospital. because my csection was scheduled for friday they decided to go ahead and take the baby. my darling little baby weighed in at 9 lbs! (8 15 1/2") she is 20" long and totally fine. her lungs are great and really strong, and no problems at all. i on the other hand, may be in for some major rehab after i get out. if it's broken i may even have to have a pin put in my pelvis. so please pray for me!

More things Ben made for Jade

so our carseat cover we ordered has not arrived. not sure if it's ever going to, so ben got ambitious and made one himself. no pattern, just his brain. :) i'm trying to find some before pics, but basically it was a brown/orange car seat and not so girlie. so he basically reupholstered it and also a picture of jade's name on the wall and the changing pad cover he made too.

Pics of the boys

I finally got these in my email and they are the pics i got taken of the boys at vday this year. they turned out cute. i've only included a few...

Dr. Apt update

well, not much going on here. went to the doctor today and i'm still only a centimeter dialated and now i'm 50% effaced instead of 30%. so an itty bitty amount of progress but nothing to write home about. i really thought i was going to be farther along now since i started losing my plug and such. but no....not for me. i will carry this big baby till next friday for my csection. but that's ok, as much as i want to be done, at least the end is in sight and not so far away. i know that worse case scenario she will be here in ONE WEEK! in case you forgot, friday, march 13 at 9 am. plus my doctor is out of town starting tomorrow till next wednesday. not that it really matters since i don't really care which doctor is cutting me open. but my baby shower is saturday so i'm glad i get to be there for that.
some updates on the boys...zander is doing great in speech therapy and is liking going. he's getting really good at his c's (he usually uses a 't' instead of 'c'). and he loves preschool. i'm very proud of casey and the work she's doing with the kids. zander has some problems focusing, but casey has been really good with him and redirecting his attention. we went to sea world this last saturday and i swear that boy is going to be a scientist of some sort. he LOVES animals, fishes, everything. i finally let him feed the bat rays and he thought that was great.
as for ronan...oh where to start...that child is FULL of it! he's vocabulary is OFF THE CHARTS! since zander didn't start talking till he was well over 2, this is just weird to me. the boy picks up three to four words a day i swear! and he's speaking in full sentences. weird weird weird. however, his favorite is still squinting his angry eyes at me and saying no mama, no!! he and zander go back and forth from playing really well together, to screaming at each other. ronan has no concept of sharing and that drives zander crazy. but guess what ronan's latest obsession is? nemo...go figure. if you remember, zander and the same age was OBSESSED with that movie. and now ronan loves his 'fishies!' at seaworld the child went crazy! he absolutely LOVED the shamu show and just seeing all the fish everywhere. he was hilarious. i'm really worried about ronan though when jade is born. he's very possessive of me and still fights zander for "my mama!" and even though he loves babies, he wants mama to hold him AND the baby. in the morning zander and he race to see who can get to mama first and ronan gets ticked if zander wins. so i don't know how he's going to do...i'm sure he will act out which scares me cause the boy has a temper and can scream like a banshee! blah...oh well...
ben has a few leads on some jobs so please keep him in your prayers.

the unexplainable actions of a pregnant woman

so today while zander was at preschool ben and i went to the mall and i got a pedicure while ben watched ronan. well after the pedicure we were walking around and my dear sweet son smashed his little fat foot on my big toe. yup, tore it all to pieces. most people would not have reacted the way i proceeded to do, but then again, i'm crazily pregnant. so i started bawling uncontrollably. weird, but predictably me. ben said i should go back and ask the lady to redo it, no big deal right? nope, couldn't make myself do that. i took off outside and ben eventually drug my butt back in and made me ask the lady to redo my toe nail, which she did for free. i'm such a basketcase i swear. this baby needs to come and needs to come soon. i don't think my mental stability is going to last much longer. but then again, there's not much left inside my head. everything drives me crazy...especially the disorder of my house. the worst part is that ben, even though i LOVE having him home, does not clean up after himself or the kids, something i generally do as i go through the day. so the house is 10X more dirty and disorganized it feels. oh well, at least he's home helping me with the kids.