coupon thief

dear coupon thief,
you are a bad, bad person. i have spent many hours cutting coupons and placing them in that nice, little accordian folder. it saves my family lots of money on groceries, money we really need. last night i was shopping with a screaming baby and two grocery carts full of food. while trying to stressfully, load my car alone, i left my precious folder in the cart. when you found it, you should have turned it in. what kind of person cuts coupons, sorts them into a folder? me -- a crazy, patehtic, desperately trying to save money, kind of person. why on earth would you steal from me? shame on you bad person! after searching every shopping cart and calling the store three times, i've admitted defeat. but i send many bad thoughts your way. however, i'm sure you will save money and perhaps learn an amazing system of coupons sorting from me.
BLAH on you!
sincerely,
a stressed out, couponless, mother of three.